the discipline of presence

" I love all men who dive", wrote Herman Melville to a friend. "Any fish can swim near the surface but it takes a great whale to go down stairs five miles or more; and if he don't attain the bottom, why all the lead in Galena can't fashion a plummet that will."

My friend and fellow artist Tim Hawkesworth quotes this in the beginning of one of his morning talks, before we head to our studios for a day of immersive drawing, painting, or hanging around looking at things.

I'm going through boxes that I never fully unpacked here, getting ready for another move. I have notebooks that date back to the mid 90's - at the beginning of the dive into an artist's life. I think I have been writing the same thing in notebook after notebook. It's kind of rediculous and comforting. So many lists, so many things that I can never undo.

The further I get into it, the deeper I go, the stronger the sense of urgency. To have and cultivate a kind and curious and disciplined life of paying attention, of being present.  And then this, this morning, on my facebook feed.

How We Spend Our Days Is How We Spend Our Lives: Annie Dillard on Presence Over Productivity

"There is no shortage of good days. It is good lives that are hard to come by. A life of good days lived in the senses is not enough. The life of sensation is the life of greed; it requires more and more. The life of the spirit requires less and less; time is ample and its passage sweet. Who would call a day spent reading a good day? But a life spent reading — that is a good life. A day that closely resembles every other day of the past ten or twenty years does not suggest itself as a good one. But who would not call Pasteur’s life a good one, or Thomas Mann’s?" Annie Dillard The Writing Life.

pre-seattle craziness

weather or not

I was accepted into a temporary weather responsive sculpture exhibition at the Seattle NCECA. Here are some process photographs after I finally decided on a form. I love making work that can respond to or record changes in the environment,

pages

can never keep up with the thought stream, but I like to see what emmerges. I love this space so much- the silence. hear and here. I hope I can be in the desert next year. This is place is pretty dark, I only get early morning light, and then tree diffused light the rest of the day. Dappled, cast green. I love the way that light spills under the edges of the curtains and all of my books piled up around me. So lovely. More drawings are under way.

"Sol did not in my experience collaborate on his ideas. Those were private considerations. As generous and collaborative as Sol was, he was also extremely private, internal, and silent. No small talk. This combination of disciplined internal creativity and enormous generosity of spirit is the the Sol Lewitt that I know."
C Venezia

complexity/simplicity
consistancy/diversity
intellectual/visceral
rational/intuitve
surface/layers

from a notebook 2012

shhh

Five years ago I was in Mesa Verde in the snow. I'm still making drawings from the ideas that emerged from that time. The west is hard wired into me. I am in a period of working, drawing, and staying still. It's getting to me.  The winter stillness has not been peaceful. I need to protect and cultivate my solitary studio time. Everything feels stuck and uninspired, but I have to keep coaxing it anyway. Teasing it out- lowering the standards right? I hate that feeling. 

fear/failure

I have this idea that if I could just do the basic things everyday, that I would feel like less of a failure. It's a fallacy. I think the idea of failure or success has more to do with mood, or expectations. I know even on the weeks and months when I am in a groove, then the failure becomes less about getting there, and more about what happens in the practice, (take your pick.)

But... fear of failure or dread of failure does seem to be a constant companion. It starts and stops the most amazing things. It's just fear though, no need to make such a big deal about it. It's real, it's there, it's not going anywhere.

don't be careful

Happy 2013!